I have been playing Hattrick since 2007!
There’s not much here at the moment, but I do have an archive of the Press Announcements posted up to 2012. The announcements contained a mixture of in-club antics and sometimes were topical depending on the current affairs at the time. Click below to view them.
Edward ‘Eddie’ Swift
Chairman
official signature
- Profile coming soon
- Blah
- Blah
- Blah
Emma Swift
Morale Officer
Born 22 years ago, the girl who was to be the only child of Eddie and Hilda Swift was born in a quiet county mansion deep in the English countryside. Conceived in a Capri, born in a Limousine, the rise of Emma Swift had started even before she was walking. Weighing six pounds (but worth much more according to a smiling Mr Swift) and with locks of blonde hair, proud parents held their bundle of joy flanked by a twelve man security team. In that moment, surrounded by men, Emma had already become accustomed to how her life would be.
Her public school life progressed without major incident, except for her prominent physical development which saw her excluded from doing Physical Education lessons from the age of 12 after giving herself concussion during the school sports day during which nineteen pupils suffered double vision and giddiness. At the age of 16 she took her GCSE examinations and her results comprised of a few A*s, a B and a double D in Science.
On leaving school, she wanted to pursue a career in the armed forces and signed up a week after her 18th birthday. After completing her induction, she was placed in the munitions section. It was here where she rose quickly through the ranks – as a young recruit she slept with a sergeant, corporal, and a captain before nobbling the major. Soon after this she got disillusioned of handling the men’s weapons. Her superior officers pointed out that she was the best rifle cocker they had had for years, but she still left and returned home to work for daddy.
Her free lifestyle is well documented and renowned around the club, but she does not care. Players who end up on her bad side have been known to be sold by her father, much to the annoyance of the manager, who is also careful not to upset her too much. Despite her youth, Emma can be very influential and this was proven last year when, allegedly, she became the first person ever to sleep with a guest speaker at a gay pride event.
Nowadays she is technically unemployed, living off the wealth of her father. She is often found in and around the stadium, usually helping out in the physiotherapy room as she has an interest in male biology. She loves to spend her father’s money and does so partying until the early hours or down the local fashion boutique. She once said that her G-Spot was found on the end of the word “shopping.”
Club Logos
Here is the history of the West Bromwich Strollers club logo.
In order from top left to bottom right:
Shield Only: Seasons 31 and with background print Season 32
Disc around shield: Seasons 33 with added Hattrick logo on shield seasons 34, and 35
Handwritten disc: Season 36
Striped disc with 3D effect: Season 37 and flattened plus stars season 38
Striped disc with Added Hattrick logo season 39
Striped disc with coloured WBS season 40
Striped disc with moved star seasons 41-44
Retro logo season 45
‘We own Wolves’ Logo season 46
Club History
Formation
In May 2005, a group of disgruntled Manchester United fans, unhappy with the takeover of their beloved club by the Glazer family, set about creating a new club which they hoped one day would rival teams far and wide. After a consultation process lasting a few months, a new club was formed and named Great Manchester City. This name was picked to rub the noses of the real Manchester City fans whose team had done nothing for years and now these Manchester United fans could claim that they were the real Manchester City. Wisely, in order to maximise attendances at the fledgling club, it was established in the heartland of where most Manchester United fans lived – right in the heart of the West Midlands.
Establishing a Foothold
The club had their first ever match against Gloucestershire Town. Despite the pouring rain, over four thousand people turned out to watch the game. Admittedly, the ground where they played was between two secondary schools, a shopping precinct and overlooked by a hospital as well as being at the end of Birmingham International Airport’s runway, so not all of them paid to watch, but nevertheless the records show a healthy number of people watched the match even if the balance sheet may have needed one of the beds in the hospital. For the first season the new team was managed by committee. Decisions were made over a coffee table and disputes were decided by arm-wrestle or submissive strangulation. Despite such undemocratic behaviour, results in that first season were not bad and they only lost one match and gained promotion. As the team was newly created, they were not permitted to enter the Hattrick Cup in their first season.
After waiting a whole season to take part in the Hattrick Cup, the second began disastrously with a home drubbing in the cup in the very first round. After achieving only one win in the first three league games – the third being a stinker at home to The Gasworks – it was decided a manager would be needed to guide the team forwards. Not much is said about why this sudden down turn in results occurred, but rumour says that a large Russian girl had started hanging about the club and had repeatedly won the arm-wrestles (which is denied by those we found to ask) and she had no time to mess about with tactics and training as she was always down the shopping centre to get her top lip waxed and her under-arm hair plaited.
Chop and Change
Unable to choose a manager because of voting deadlock (ie: wrist cramp from arm-wrestling), the club looked doomed and at the end of January 2006 a man with the pseudonym of ‘ucandoithappy’ took over the team, buying them with it’s own cash. He was suspicious in appearance, having big glasses, an even bigger beard and wearing Manchester United jogging bottoms and he spoke with a strange American accent. Fears were further raised when the team was renamed ‘Phil Nevilles Love Children.’
Results did not improve and the final straw came eight games later with defeat against the real red devils – or Gingerness FC as they were officially called. Such was the embarrassment that ‘ucandoithappy’ immediately put the club up for sale and was immediately bought by a local chip-shop owner.
Keen to use the club to advertise his chip shop and it’s new tasty chicken, he rebranded the club as “Alex’s Southern Fried Chicken” – or AlexSFC as the records show. He also installed himself as manager and changed his name by deed poll. “AlexSFC” burger stands appeared all around the ground, but within weeks attendances had dropped to a quarter from the first home match as fans got food poisoning and Alex’s food soon got the unkind nickname “Finger Licking Crud.” His business empire collapsed rapidly and he was forced to put the club up for sale after less than three months of ownership.
Unsettled Times
In the hands of administrators, unknown manager Mobius Dickus was handed control of the club and for tax reasons it was renamed Archaon. In the game Warhammer, Archaon was the name that the forces of chaos had united under and this seemed quite an apt choice given the clubs turbulent beginnings. This period was short lived however as the manager was merely a figurehead while the clubs financial situation was put in order. When the club was eventually sold a month later, he was dismissed.
Intercontinental businessman and entrepreneur Eddie Swift took over the club in June 2006 for the princely sum of £1 from the administrators, wiping the clubs debts out with a stroke (which he recovered from). He immediately appointed his Italian friend alessioalfano as manager and gave him funds to mount a challenge to keep the team out of the bottom leagues. This was not possible however and the club were duly relegated to the bottom level again.
Swift gave assurances that alessioalfano would have time to prove himself the next season. Things once again began badly as the newly named “Pepoli” crashed out of the cup in the first round again, this time to Goldhawk Rovers. Still, things in the league were good but the club finished second, missing out on promotion by five points. A poor start the following season – defeats in the cup and the league in the first two matches, led to alessioalfano’s dismissal.
In December 2006, Eddie decided to buy himself a Christmas present in the shape of a scoutmaster called ‘pombear22’. For security reasons he did not wish to use his real name. His short lived stint as manager was plagued with poor discipline and bad play. Tackles were waist high and the chant of “ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie gotcha” was often heard coming from the terraces of the renamed Condover Athletic. Results again were not good and the team were struggling. Half way through the season, Chairman Swift decided to sack the manager.